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Involuntary Celibacy Group (NEW Posting Feature - BETA - In Development) 188 members
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stories of involuntary celibacy
Dear members, would you like to share something of our stories?
As for me even if a fell in love romantically a few times, my s----l encounters never worked. It is true that they were not with the people i loved, but occassional encounters. The people I loved were straight men , whereas a I am man looking for men.


Franco
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Last Hope (but doesn't mean there IS any)
Well, I have nothing to lose by being honest because I have nothing to gain, and I'm only really here so I can exhaust the last option. No matter how many times I resign myself to loneliness, I always think about it. Constantly. Have never had much if any familial affection, and although people say i'm kind, interesting, and likeable, I can't let myself even be friends with people. So I guess I would like more honest opinions.... because I've only ever told a few people this, and am then unable to look at them anymore, let alone talk to them.

I'm female, but i have hirsutism. Or at least, I call it that. Without my glasses, i look fine (to my own vision of course!) and i couldnt grow a beard if i tried or anything like that. It's not really coarse but its dark, and its everywhere in varying degrees from only noticable close up, to... i HAVE to cover that up. People have said i'm "pretty" or "cute" in the past, and its only those people that i've really told, because i can't stand people thinking im something i'm not. I look at myself in the mirror in the evenings and think, what a waste.

The person i feel inside is trapped very deep inside. If only I was normal i'd be incredibly affectionate and physical if needs be. One person once said he would have S-- with me despite it but i didn't actually like him (nor believe him).

So... as a community less concerned with sex, do you think it's remotely possible anyone could love me for WHO I am? I disgust myself, and all these female based adverts on TV now hurt so much i can't even look at them. I don't care about my weight or shape or anything, just what's on my body. I'm only human (just about) and it affects a small percentage of people, but I have so much love to give and would rather know sooner than later if it's doomed to die with me.

It's a big deal to me. I've looked into everything so please don't bring up all the removal methods :/

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Interesting Question
I consider myself involuntary celibate. I've never had the opportunity to choose to have S-- or not. I'm only 21 so it hasn't been forever, but sometimes it feels that way. I deal with it in my own way which no one really knows about. I recently started hanging out with a co-worker. She asked me about my previous relationships. She asked the question so I owned up to the fact that I was a virgin. There wasn't much discussion at the time. Every now and again, the conversation will turn to S-- but not often. She just found out she was pregnant and somehow that conversation briefly concerned my virginity which didn't bother me. She's never ridiculed me because of it. But she did ask me a question which hit me pretty hard. "How do you live without sex?" I was almost kind of stunned. My honest response was "I don't know". Like I had pondered the question before and came to the conclusion that I wasn't really alive without it. Of course, I quickly turned the conversation back to her by saying that my virginal state kept me out of the pregnant one she was in. But the question stuck with me. I used to think that it was possible I was exaggerating my situation. My obsession with S-- was related to a deeper, more substantial desire, one of companionship. I know society in general is all about only a few things, S-- being one of them. But I didn't think or rather I hoped that the day to day wasn't so concerned with it. Her question sort of solidified my hopes and fears that S-- was the solution to my problems. I know that it is not. There has always been two ways of thinking for me. While I have one thought, I also possess and believe in equally a contradictory one. It's hard to explain. While I know all I really need is a hug, I can't fight the desire for S-- which would seem to provide the same affect in me as a hug.

~deadlockedstoic~
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Desperate for cuddling, finally found it in strip clubs
Thomas3300 writes: } would like to find someone to share my life with but no s--. I'll sleep with someone and cuddle but draw the line at s--. Are people with this outlook just nuts or are there normal people out there that just don't like S-- or can't have S-- but are still mentally OK? Any thoughts on this? Thanks for reading. Tom {

I'm male, age 55. We're probably not normal in the statistical sense, in that undoubtedly most males like to have S-- and find it difficult to sleep/cuddle a woman without being aroused and wanting S-- or at least to be able to ejaculate one way or another to relieve the s----l tension. Certainly that described me while I was younger. Though in my last relationship (13 years ago), I knew that she didn't like sex, so I learned to secretly masturbate in the bathroom before sleeping with her.

But I have recently been seriously doubting my ability to have s--. Celibacy has been fine with me for now but who knows. If I meet a woman who wants sex, then I will work with my urologist on that.

Anyway, I haven't had a relationship or physical contact with a woman for many years -- until recently.

Early last year while bar-hopping in Minneapolis, I walked into a strip-club, expecting to be quickly bored and move on.

But this sweet creature came up to me and asked me if I wanted to lap dance. I said no but gave her a $20 and told her (truthfully) I have not had any relationship or physical contact with a woman in 12 years and hoped she could sit close and talk and cuddle. She did.

Since then I have been spending about a dollar a minute (plus some extra bonuses) for "C and C" -- conversation and cuddling -- with about 3 different women. I go for a "C and C" session about 6 times a month (nearly $5500 spent since March 2007). Though I haven't been cuddling in full -- mostly she just sitting up close next to me so our legs and arms are touching, occasionally gently rubbing each other's backs and shoulders (caressing), sometimes holding hands for awhile. I have never wanted to, or asked to touch any sensitive areas of theirs, nor them of me. And never kissing. (OK, I'd like to touch sensitive areas and kissing, but its not a big deal to me, and I don't want to be seriously aroused if I can't do anything to relieve the s----l tension).

I'm generally happy about all of this. I am happy to find that I greatly enjoy the cuddling whether partial or full and that a desire for more (i.e. for sex) is not bothering me. I enjoy the happiness and contentedness feeling that light gentle non-sexual cuddling brings.

I haven't had a real girlfriend because I don't think I can offer much possibility of a marriage. I like living alone, and I'm kind of a workaholic, i.e. I'm not much in the way of Mr. Fun Guy. All the real-world girlfriends I've had in the past wanted marriage (or at least a live-together), and I feel guilty that I wasted so much of their lives without giving them what they wanted. So having pretend girlfriends in strip clubs and cuddling them is the next best thing. It works for me. - Johnny

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A Difficult Topic
Hello everyone,

I am wondering how many of those here are experiencing 'involuntary celibacy' due to s----l trauma in their lives.

That is the case with me. ation by my father and uncle, and as an adult, when I thought I had some measure of control in situations, has rendered the act of S-- extremely unpleasurable to me. And, I no longer am willing to drink enough just to get through the act, and risk my health so I won't be alone.

I am very happy to find this website and forum. I have been angry for a number of years that I am doomed to being alone, thinking that there wasn't a man alive who would want a relationship with someone who isn't interested in sex, and might be considered "damaged goods".
I have a lot to offer in a relationship - qualities that do seem to be becoming rare. It feels wonderful after finding this site today, to feel a bit of hope that I may actually find someone to share life with!



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A group for those who have not engaged in sexual activity not by their choice and find themselves in a situation of involuntary celibacy.


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