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Desperate for cuddling, finally found it in strip clubs

 
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johnnyj
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Posted:     Post subject: Desperate for cuddling, finally found it in strip clubs

Thomas3300 writes: } would like to find someone to share my life with but no sex. I'll sleep with someone and cuddle but draw the line at sex. Are people with this outlook just nuts or are there normal people out there that just don't like sex or can't have sex but are still mentally OK? Any thoughts on this? Thanks for reading. Tom {

I'm male, age 55. We're probably not normal in the statistical sense, in that undoubtedly most males like to have sex and find it difficult to sleep/cuddle a woman without being aroused and wanting sex or at least to be able to ejaculate one way or another to relieve the s----l tension. Certainly that described me while I was younger. Though in my last relationship (13 years ago), I knew that she didn't like sex, so I learned to secretly masturbate in the bathroom before sleeping with her.

But I have recently been seriously doubting my ability to have sex. Celibacy has been fine with me for now but who knows. If I meet a woman who wants sex, then I will work with my urologist on that.

Anyway, I haven't had a relationship or physical contact with a woman for many years -- until recently.

Early last year while bar-hopping in Minneapolis, I walked into a strip-club, expecting to be quickly bored and move on.

But this sweet creature came up to me and asked me if I wanted to lap dance. I said no but gave her a $20 and told her (truthfully) I have not had any relationship or physical contact with a woman in 12 years and hoped she could sit close and talk and cuddle. She did.

Since then I have been spending about a dollar a minute (plus some extra bonuses) for "C and C" -- conversation and cuddling -- with about 3 different women. I go for a "C and C" session about 6 times a month (nearly $5500 spent since March 2007). Though I haven't been cuddling in full -- mostly she just sitting up close next to me so our legs and arms are touching, occasionally gently rubbing each other's backs and shoulders (caressing), sometimes holding hands for awhile. I have never wanted to, or asked to touch any sensitive areas of theirs, nor them of me. And never kissing. (OK, I'd like to touch sensitive areas and kissing, but its not a big deal to me, and I don't want to be seriously aroused if I can't do anything to relieve the s----l tension).

I'm generally happy about all of this. I am happy to find that I greatly enjoy the cuddling whether partial or full and that a desire for more (i.e. for sex) is not bothering me. I enjoy the happiness and contentedness feeling that light gentle non-sexual cuddling brings.

I haven't had a real girlfriend because I don't think I can offer much possibility of a marriage. I like living alone, and I'm kind of a workaholic, i.e. I'm not much in the way of Mr. Fun Guy. All the real-world girlfriends I've had in the past wanted marriage (or at least a live-together), and I feel guilty that I wasted so much of their lives without giving them what they wanted. So having pretend girlfriends in strip clubs and cuddling them is the next best thing. It works for me. - Johnny

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janice




janice

Joined:
July 27, 2007
Posts: 1

PostPosted:     Post subject:
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.What works for you...stick with it!!! Im the same way...never really cared for sex....and don't need therapy to find out why....
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timidsoul




timidsoul

Joined:
November 18, 2007
Posts: 11

PostPosted:     Post subject:
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Hello Johnny & Janice:

I'm relatively new to this site, in addition to the whole notion of "online dating". The content of your respective postings is most applicable to me: sure, I'm not "Mr. Fun Guy" or any of the other "Male Success" archetypes, but I'm far from severely impaired. And, like Janice, I'm terrified of STDs, esp. from some 'anybodys' that doesn't appreciate me any more than they flatter me! That ,and unintended pregnancies. It's near impossible to find someone who hasn't been tainted in some way by all the crap that they've experienced with others, or of appealing quality that isn't already spoken for, willing & able to offer me a chance that wasn't "rigged".

Not sure I'm sold on this activity with the strip-clubs; but if it works for you, fine. I find myself frequenting the beach now more than I have in the past. Outdoor festivals too, now that they're in season here. I do some light flirting, tho nothing really comes of it (other than being acutely rebuffed by the girl, or her partner staunchly defending their territory !Wink) So, that's basically the foundation of my incel status. Neither of you are "nuts" nor alone in this case! Thanks!



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cocoaberryc_PREV
(deleted)









Posted:     Post subject:

`No, you are not nuts---you just know what you don't want at this time. I think alot of people have sex just to say they are "normal" but sex with out love or true union, is...just an act.

Years ago a friend once told me that sex was the ultimate physical connection a person can have with another.

I disagree--a free flowing mind and spirit can get a lot more intimate than the limited body. Anyone who has ever had a personal relationship with Christ or had their breath taken away by a Sunset would know.

Well, that's my opinon any

;)

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paradate




paradate

Joined:
June 26, 2009
Posts: 1

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`Hi, I am actually a voluntary celibate, but not in a true sense, meaning I am okay with some s----lity, but not orgasmic sex. I believe that orgasms create addictions and thanks to Marnia Robinson whose new book is called Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, I am finally understanding why my past relationships didn't work well, accept for one, but he left his body in '92. Orgasms create a dopamine high followed by a pro-lacton low and this creates withdrawal symptoms that are different for men and women. Basically Mother Nature only cares about the variation of the gene pool so orgasm creates a neurochemical situation that eventually errodes relationship in order for people to be fertilized by another or to fertilize another. It is all about reproduction, not about harmony and longevity in relationships. So, I am out of that drama. As far as s----l tension, I believe that we can bring that intense life giving energy into different parts of ourselves. For example, I love to kiss and be sensual, then when the energy starts to get moving, I pull it up to other centers within myself. I like to pull it up to my third eye, or have my mate send it to my lungs, etc. Currently, I am manifesting a mate that is here now, I just don't see him yet. But, he is in my vibrational escrow. (Abraham channeled by Esther Hicks talks about this Law of Attraction to bring about our desires and I am fascinated by the teachings). Marnia's book is really helpful to those who are forced not to have sex and believe they have a problem, when really, they don't. Personally, I feel that sex and love are two different things. I am into heart-centered LOVE that is really deep, when touching someone has them feel their own heart energy and total Love. Sex, on the other hand, felt selfish to me, like someone was taking from me versus really giving and receiving Love. When we really Love someone, then it is enough to touch them and look into their eyes and connect, even genital to genital, but the temptation to orgasm is like a herion drug shot. Then people want the orgasm, not the other person's love. They just want the temporary drug of dopamine which they get addicted to. They did studies where the brain looked the same after orgasm or heroin dose. I don't want to be addicted to anyone. Nor do I want the fallout from the low after the dopamine high which would eventually lead to fights and me seeing my mate as not as appealing as before the dopamine. But, this doesn't happen right away. Usually Mother Nature keeps people addicted to one another long enough to have and rear a child. But, harmony and longevity, where you actually feel in love with your mate all of the time, I believe, is possible when we can be together and share whatever intimacy we are comfortable with and hold our seed, refrain from orgasm. I have not orgasmed for years and I no longer feel controlled by having to have it. It doesn't run me. I have moved more into my heart. To be with a man who is in his heart and moved his center away from just being in his groin, is really refreshing. But, it cannot be a man who has a penis problem and is feeling down on himself and funky. It has to be a man who is confident about himself and is heart-centered and really able to receive and give LOVE in deep, real ways, and proud to have left his preoccupation with the stiffness of his groin. Heart Love is so much better to share because it lasts and lingers and is real, it is not a cheap addiction, but is a deep, evolved way of being. From the Heart, To the Heart, In the Heart, Of the Heart, Marinated in the Heart of Love, for the sake of Feeling Love, Being Love, Living in Love and Sharing this high Vibration because it is the highest thing on our planet besides Laughter!

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catiefaye




catiefaye

Joined:
August 29, 2010
Posts: 46

PostPosted:     Post subject:
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`WOW paradate - cool post! Sounds like Tantric yoga. Have you been trained? Some people just know these things. Wonderful read!

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