Candigrl63, 60

hello! my name is maryann. for years i have been told there was something wrong with me. i was suppressing something horrible that happened to me or there was something physically wrong with me. i am 44 years old and am perfectly happy not having s--. i love to kiss hold hands cuddle but S-- bores me. when i was married it was a chore. after having one biological child, i stopped dating . happy not to have to have S-- and a lot of stress and pressure was lifted from my life. i wanted more children so i adopted. so i have a 18 year old, 8 year old, 7 year old, and a 3 year old. i would love to adopt more . i always wanted a big family , married life, house in the suburbs. who ever thought S-- would get in the way of all that. i love not being dependent on anyone but i must admit i am so lonely. my friends are all with someone so i am always the third wheel. i have checked out what limited asexual dating sites there are and only two sites had a handful of asexual men and most of them were not in the united states. so needless to say i guess i have to come to terms that there are no hilarious, spontaneous, positive and happy asexual men out there. i am sure there are more but they probably feel it is unmanly to admit asexuality.
so being asexual for me has been lonely and somewhat scary as far as growing old alone. does anyone else out there worry about growing old alone?? have any women out there been accused of being a lesbian? i am all the time. i like when they say....maybe you just dont know it yet. lol.
so i would love to meet friends here that know how i feel and find out how you deal with it?
maryann