A Difficult Topic

[bkzoner (deleted)]

Hello everyone,

I am wondering how many of those here are experiencing 'involuntary celibacy' due to s----l trauma in their lives.

That is the case with me. ation by my father and uncle, and as an adult, when I thought I had some measure of control in situations, has rendered the act of S-- extremely unpleasurable to me. And, I no longer am willing to drink enough just to get through the act, and risk my health so I won't be alone.

I am very happy to find this website and forum. I have been angry for a number of years that I am doomed to being alone, thinking that there wasn't a man alive who would want a relationship with someone who isn't interested in sex, and might be considered "damaged goods".
I have a lot to offer in a relationship - qualities that do seem to be becoming rare. It feels wonderful after finding this site today, to feel a bit of hope that I may actually find someone to share life with!

[precious1_PREV (deleted)]

Nope. Two major surgeries sixteen months apart erased my libido. Best of luck to you--you deserve a great guy! :)

[hobotic]

Hi BK,interesting points you raise here.I think its different for everyone,as the last reply suggests.Im fairly sure those for which there is no reason are in the minority though.I think such reasons as emotional and physical abuses can make some distrustful of other people,bad childhoods,awkward initial s----l experiences,a media age thats dominated by false ideas about s----l normality and beauty,hell the lists endless!I had a rough time growing up to,and so retreated into my shell.Im not sure if this makes me involuntarily celibate or voluntarily(?),all I know is that my circumstances/lifesyle make it unlikely I'll bother with S-- anymore,but then who knows?The idea of that one true love seems impossible to most living out celibacy,but that doesnt necesarily mean its not possible for you,me or anyone else down the road. (Love,peace and harmony-very nice,very nice,very nice,maybe in the next world...[morrissey]).All the best-Joel

[thomas3300 (deleted)]

I've been celibate for 12 years and also don't know if it's voluntary or not. I likewise had a difficult childhood with a Father who didn't like me and said many times that he didn't like me. I was protected by my Mother until I was twelve and then she had a nervous breakdown and then I only had my self. I learned to hide in my room. I was married and had two children but after my divorce I just no longer wanted to have S-- with anyone. The old saying use it or loose it may prove to be accurate. It's been so long that I probably just can't have S-- but I really don't care to find out whether I can or not. I would like to find someone to share my life with but no s--. I'll sleep with someone and cuddle but draw the line at s--. Are people with this outlook just nuts or are there normal people out there that just don't like S-- or can't have S-- but are still mentally OK? Any thoughts on this? Thanks for reading. Tom[/quote]

Thomas3300

[nevadagem]

this site is a whole new concept to me but not one that isn't interesting. I am a childhood s----l abuse survivor. I had blocked it out for many years until I had a near death illness that sent those mental walls tumbling down. I enjoy being physical in the form of touching, hugging and cuddling up but its more a creature comfort reaction I think.

I was married for 23 years and deserted when I became ill. My ex husband developed impotence problems about halfway through our marriage and I had no trouble adjusting to the change in our life that brought. In many ways I found our relationship was based on the more important issues of common likes and dislikes. I am enjoying my life now but find that I miss sharing things with someone special to me. S-- just seems to get in the way to really getting to know someone.

[johnnyj (deleted)]

Thomas3300 writes: } would like to find someone to share my life with but no s--. I'll sleep with someone and cuddle but draw the line at s--. Are people with this outlook just nuts or are there normal people out there that just don't like S-- or can't have S-- but are still mentally OK? Any thoughts on this? Thanks for reading. Tom {

I'm male, age 55. We're probably not normal in the statistical sense, in that undoubtedly most males like to have S-- and find it difficult to sleep/cuddle a woman without being aroused and wanting S-- or at least to be able to ejaculate one way or another to relieve the s----l tension. Certainly that described me while I was younger. Though in my last relationship (13 years ago), I knew that she didn't like sex, so I learned to secretly masturbate in the bathroom before sleeping with her.

But I have recently been seriously doubting my ability to have s--. Celibacy has been fine with me for now but who knows. If I meet a woman who wants sex, then I will work with my urologist on that.

Anyway, I haven't had a relationship or physical contact with a woman for many years -- until recently.

Early this year while bar-hopping in Minneapolis, I walked into a strip-club, expecting to be quickly bored and move on.

But this sweet creature came up to me and asked me if I wanted to lap dance. I said no but gave her a $20 and told her (truthfully) I have not had any relationship or physical contact with a woman in 12 years and hoped she could sit close and talk and cuddle. She did.

Since then I have been spending about a dollar a minute (plus some extra bonuses) for "C and C" -- conversation and cuddling -- with about 3 different women. I go for a "C and C" session about 6 times a month (nearly $3100 spent since early March). Though I haven't been cuddling in full -- mostly she just sitting up close next to me so our legs and arms are touching, occasionally gently rubbing each other's backs and shoulders (caressing), sometimes holding hands for awhile. I have never wanted to, or asked to touch any sensitive areas of theirs, nor them of me. And never kissing. (OK, I'd like to touch sensitive areas and kissing, but its not a big deal to me, and I don't want to be seriously aroused if I can't do anything to relieve the s----l tension).

I'm generally happy about all of this. I am happy to find that I greatly enjoy the cuddling whether partial or full and that a desire for more (i.e. for sex) is not bothering me. I enjoy the happiness and contentedness feeling that light gentle non-sexual cuddling brings.

I haven't had a real girlfriend because I don't think I can offer much possibility of a marriage. I like living alone, and I'm kind of a workaholic, i.e. I'm not much in the way of Mr. Fun Guy. All the real-world girlfriends I've had in the past wanted marriage (or at least a live-together), and I feel guilty that I wasted so much of their lives without giving them what they wanted. So having pretend girlfriends in strip clubs and cuddling them is the next best thing. It works for me. - Johnny