A Short Autobiography

[deadlockedstoic (deleted)]

Well, hello. I really thought I was onto something when I found this site. But I was disappointed when I searched for men in my area and found that there were only about six. I'm still here, looking. I'm newly 21 and never been in a relationship. I am a virgin. Right now, I have mixed feelings about it. When I see what other women are doing and sometimes even my mother, I am proud of being "pure". I've recently come into some conversations where I found my virginal state embarrassing. I've never really admitted it to anyone, afraid of making myself a target of unwanted advances. My father and grandmother have always said that a man's main goal is S-- and that I should be more careful because I'm a virgin. If men can tell, which I don't know if they can, they are going to want to "violate" me and make me dirty. I grew up in a very religious household. Even in high school S-- wasn't a problem. No one has ever been interested in me that way up until recently. I don't really believe that his desires were sincere. He just liked getting a rise out of me. But he made me discover that I really could be in trouble with an attractive, persistent man. He's gone now and I have peaked no one else's interests. I can be proud of being a virgin and not succumbing to the desires of the flesh. But I am extremely embarrassed about having never been kissed. I feel so far behind my peers. It would be on thing to say that it is all by choice. But that is not the case. I have never had the opportunity to change my situation. I am definitely not the type to go after someone. To make matters worse, I am not attracted to the men that are attracted to me. I can see and feel them look me up and down. I try so hard not to make eye contact so as not to seem responsive to their attentions. I'm fine by myself as long as I have plenty of movies to occupy my mind. But I've been suffering with loneliness for awhile and now I have the addition of an insatiable S-- drive. I may be eager for satisfaction but I cannot see myself putting out as soon or as easily as men expect these days. I could never be with a man who was not completely accepting of my complexes. I would feel like a source of irritation or frustration. I'm going to doubt any mans affections, but if he was not open to my problems than I would be even more so.

Well, that's kind of a lot. But this is my only outlet. I have no friends. My parents don't really know me so I could never tell them this. I would feel uncomfortable. I don't think any one else really cares. I've been a spectator in my life for so long. This might not really achieve anything. But maybe I won't feel like such a loser.

[r1988 (deleted)]

Yes, no one seems to ... use? the forums, really. I'm in a different situation, but can still relate to parts of your post. I just wanted to say that you are by no means alone in being 21 and never having been in a relationship, had S-- or kissed anyone - it might not seem like it, but, as I'm sure you're aware, soooooo many people are in the same place. I also don't think that being uncomfortable about others' advances or worrying about ever finding someone who understands your "complexes" is as much of an issue as you seem to think it is. Maybe I'm wrong, but I imagine that even "Mrs Average" (first kiss at 12, first serious relationship at 15, first s----l intercourse at 16 ... and so on) would have the same anxieties. Besides, relationships come in many different forms! As a fellow "spectator", I wish you luck with this site and yourself!

[leigh57]

`Hi! I completely relate to you (aside from the s----lity aspect because I am now identifying as asexual) - never dated in high school, first kiss at 19... and you know what, I wish I would have waited even longer than that. Having grown up in a strict religious and almost stifling environment, I was not prepared for the "real world", so naive, and so ended up with the first guy who showed any real interest, because it's what everyone else was doing. Well he turned out to be an abuser (in every sense of the word). Since you seem to know what you are looking for, I say, keep waiting and don't settle! It may be harder to relate to those around you in the meantime, but what you want is worth waiting for. You are definitely not a loser, nor are you alone! If you ever want to chat, drop me a line, you are very well spoken and are probably a wonderful conversationalist. I do hope you find what you are looking for, whether that's on this site or elsewhere.

[theimpossiblek (deleted)]

`Wow... thank you for posting this. I'm 26 and I can relate in a lot of ways (aside from having a S-- drive) - but sometimes I wonder too... it's not like I've had a lot of opportunities to kiss- or if I did, I wasn't aware! But I agree with what leigh said, keep waiting and don't settle! When you do find someone (and you will), I think the most romantic thing you could say to him is "I waited... and you were worth it!"

[freerent]

.My dream is to live with a female, and cuddle a lot, but never "share" any S-- acts! Simple companionship.

[zoe63 (deleted)]

But if you're still receiving messages here ... I will say ... good for you on keeping your virtue ... although I don't know your status now at a couple years later ... you may be married for all I know.

Sad there's not much going on this site ... very sad ... goes to show the status of the world ... more interested in s--.

But back to you ... if you are in the same status as when you posted this ... one can always lose their virginity ... but can never get it back.

And it's strange that when one is a virgin, they feel odd but once they're not ... people dis them for that also. So people are cruel no matter what you do really. The best bet is going according to our creator whom made us above the animals ... and has given us the "gift" of intimacy in which we are to cherish and not throw away at a whim. And too many of us do ... and there is regret and consequences down the line.

It's better to do it God's way ... but if we've messed up ... if we are genuine in our remorse and turn from our sins ... we can be restored.

But just like our health ... prevention is the best medicine. Wait for the man that proves his love by marriage and many other things ... despite what people try to decieve you about. Take care!

[whalewatcherii (deleted)]

`I too, am disappointed that there are few people using the forums. I am not very familiar with them, as I don't usually do these things, but on this site, what the heck? I'll look into the 'chat' room too, but honestly, I've never done a chat! I don't 'Facebook' or any of those sites either. Not very trusting of the Internet.

I found this site by looking around, starting w/A s----l Googling & just browsing around that. I couldn't believe I was alone in my feelings of wanting to now be celibate. Unfortunately, there is no one really close to my area on here, but there are some w/in a hour or so, so that may be doable.

It's been a long time since I've spent a lot of one on one time w/someone special anyway, so getting my feet wet slowly w/it again, will be fine w/me.
I've had the heavy, long term relationships, that involved all the s----l good times, etc. I was never one to have a lot of S-- w/different people, however. I've lived w/my significant others & after the last one, vowed to never again.

That was prior to deciding to be celibate again, however. I would go for years at times, between lovers, 'waiting' for someone that I felt was worth having that connection with. I found out that a lot of men are not willing to 'wait' more than a few dates, which is crazy to me! So, that was not someone I wanted to involve myself with on a deeper level.

It would take a lot for me to give myself like that & I found that men just didn't care about that & I was just one of many others for them. I became a 'challange', a trophy of sorts b/c I didn't give it up like other women did.

When it was over, it was over....see ya later. I was fully invested in a few of these men, so was very hurt & torn when "It wasn't working" for 'them', anymore. A lot of it 'not working' was b/c I was not putting out se---lly like I used to. I can't, when it's not working for me in other ways. But men just don't get that. I tried to explain to more than one; that if I was not getting what I needed outside the bedroom, he wasn't going to get what he wanted inside of it, or anywhere else.

The love of my life was something I felt I 'blew it' with, more than him. I was not emotionally mature enough to handle it & showed it at a crucial point. I just felt it would come around again, like it seemed to for so many others, now that I knew what love was all about. Well, after almost 10 years, (but w/a couple other s----l partners in between) it did come around again, or at least I thought so. Another guy in 'disguise', just to get what he wanted & keep me around as long as it suited him best. Again, as he treated me more poorly, the S-- wained & the vicious cycle continued, until there was nothing left at all.
I kept telling him that we could make it, if he would just realize what he was doing & we could have 'holding' sessions, where we just could lie in each others arms & not even talk, just 'heal' from the hurts we caused each other. It made no sense to him. He 'didn't have a problem. I did.' He never even bothered to try. He wanted s--. That was the glue for him. He didn't realize that 'intimacy' goes so far beyond the act of s--.

Sex clouds so much in a relationship. It invites so much more trouble between couples. The lies, cheating, using it as a weapon or punishment. Feeling pressured to 'do your duty' & loathe it. Meanwhile, men go into their 'cave' mode & pout about it. They won't sit down & talk to you about why it's not happening anymore, or enough, or the same. They can't dream that they have a problem. If you're not interested, it's YOUR problem.

I'm tired of it. I hated having my relationships hang in the balance over s--. I was not getting the affection I craved & needed, but that was OK. That was not as important as him having s--. Any affection initiated was an invitation to sex, so that was tricky too. It just became too big of an issue & meaningless. Why bother to go thru the motions, just to get it over with?

There was the other issues of his insecurity, too. I am very friendly & was very outgoing with him. The things he found so attractive in me, was what he also then found threatening. I would talk to a lot of people at a party. He didn't like that. I would dance w/others b/c he didn't want to, but knew I loved to dance. He didn't like that either. Yet, to 'get me', he used to find where I'd be dancing & go. He felt I would leave him for someone else & they would get the great S-- he was getting from me in the beginning. He couldn't have been more off base. He started to try to control me, who I was with, when I was with my friends, telling me I couldn't go w/them. Controlling me & my time. I don't think so... It was all about the S-- he wasn't getting & afraid that someone else would.

I found the longer I went w/o it, the less I missed it. I did miss the affection, however, a lot. I always missed it. I always wanted that. That is my way of feeling close/connected. Most men need the act of intercourse to feel that connection.
I know so many women who couldn't care less about it, but do it as a way to get the affection they crave. I know a lot of married couples that are more 'room mates' than anything else too. My own sisters marriages are a farce. Husbands sooo frustrated w/them se---lly. The one, having many affairs, b/c of the lack of what he wants. It affects their marriage so negatively. I see that in many marriages. So sad that it gets in the way of their lives together. They lose the whole concept of what 'sharing' a life w/another person is all about. So much lost over intercourse. A few minutes of time, when you come down to it. How sad is that?

I used to not care about being w/anyone, becoming more of a loner & felt I never would be, b/c of my lack of s----l desire. I have not told anyone, as I do continue to date casually on occasion & my friends would be shocked if they knew the truth. I don't live in the same state as my family members, so it's NBD there. But, it's been the main reason I have kept men at arms length the past few years. I have no s----l desire anymore, or very little, if/when I do. Yet, I love spending time w/someone too. I want a 'partner in crime' to share things in life, w/o it always being w/a gal pal or by myself. I have a great dog I spend a lot of time with. If only I could find a guy as devoted! lol

I've traveled a lot around this country...alone, mostly. I want to do things like that again, but not alone. But, I don't want the s----l pressure going on w/it.
I mean, if you're in the middle of the country & you're having s----l issues, it's not going to make for a very fun trip at that point, until you can clear it up.

Out of frustration, I started to Google around & found I had plenty of company & got very excited about it. I thought if I didn't find anything, I would try to start something up, but then I'd have to 'come out of the closet' about it. lol I mean, is everyone on here openly admitting they don't want S-- to others who are having it? I think not. I do say that the longer I've gone w/o it, the less I care, so that's kinda admitting it. It's all so cheap now too. ---'s & the pressure to lose your virginity in junior high school. Such a shame! It's lost it's ----er to save it for someone really worth sharing it with. I would so hate to be a teen today! 'Boys' are all in it for the game of getting laid by as many as they can. Not unlike a lot of men....

It looks like it's a long shot, b/c no one is close by, but one never knows. If we both enjoy travel & day trips, what's not to keep us from meeting somewhere to enjoy it together while getting to know one another more? I'd love to do that, but declined in the past, b/c I knew the pressure to have S-- at the end of the day, if we wound up staying over, would be too great.

I joined earlier, but never paid much attention to the site at all. I've now, in the past couple days, have started to pay more attention & checking into who's out there, etc. I will get a pic up too, at some point...or maybe leave it as I'll send one when I get contacted. I tried the avatar, & it didn't work, so I don't know what's going on w/it. I contacted the site for help getting that on.

I've missed out on 'sharing' too much now. I didn't know there were groups like this w/others looking for love &/or a meaningful relationship, w/o the s----l tension involved. I want to get on it & find that soul mate that IS out there, somewhere & get on w/sharing my life w/him.

I'm open to moving. I've relocated twice across this country, so I'm not opposed to doing so again. In fact, I don't plan on staying where I am into retirement, so that means I'm looking around to a big move again. How wonderful that would be, to find someone, like me, to share my life with now!

I now have that glimmer of hope, that I didn't have for a long time. At least I can shoot for that goal now, w/o worrying about the S-- act lurking in the background.

There are a lot more people out there like we are, than are on this site. Hopefully, they'll find it, as I did & jump on the band wagon. There is no reason to be alone now, unless one chooses to be.

That's my 'story'....

Oh, I saw where someone (woman) was saying that there were guys on here even looking for s--. Well, if that's the case, Shame On You! This is not the site for that. There are plenty of other sites out there for the se---lly active. Go back where you belong.

For the rest, I hope you find that special someone, who you can share yourself with, in the way you've always dreamed of.

Best of luck to all in 2011! ;)

[earlgray (deleted)]

`
Thanks whalewatcherii for being so open and honest in your autobiography. I'm new to this site and finding posts like yours is helpful. I appreciated hearing your story and perspective. I'm glad you have found clarity and new hope.

Now .... go get him ....

Wishing everyone on this site find what they are looking for.
All Good Wishes
Happy 2011