Celibacy and Asexuality Are Not The Same

[exene (deleted)]

If somebody is celibate, they are not necessarily asexual, although an asexual individual is most likely practicing celibacy. I have a celibate lifestyle, but I am not asexual. What this translates to is that, although I refrain from having sex, I am not completely closed off to the idea of ever having it (with a man) again someday in the future. If I met someone that I was really attracted to, I wouldn't just 'hop in the sack' with him, but I wouldn't necessarily not flirt or make nonverbal suggestions to him. I certainly have s----l fantasies and desires, as other people do... but I don't want to get a nasty STD (also, still no cure for AIDS) and I don't want to get pregnant (I don't take birth control). An asexual person does not respond to sex, whereas a celibate person could, if the timing and 'magic' was right with a certain individual. That's how I think the two are different.

[theimpossiblek (deleted)]

Well, that's 80% right... but I think saying that as a celibate you're not completely closed to the idea of having S-- is a bit misleading. Asexuals aren't entirely closed to the idea of having S-- AND they can still physically respond to sex- just like a gay man may still be able to physically "respond" if he had S-- with a woman. But the s----l attraction, in both cases, is missing.
I consider myself an asexual, but I'm not closing the door completely on ever having s--. I'd really rather not, but I am willing to make that sacrifice if I get married and want kids. Granted, the guy will have to be super patient (cuz it's a lot harder to get "in the mood" when you're not interested at all!), but still.
The defining difference between celibacy and asexuality is desire. Celibates have the desire, but choose not to act. Asexuals don't have any desire to act.

[dancenut (deleted)]

`So what is platonic dating? I like to cuddle,kiss but not too terribly interested in S-- itself. Plus I might have a physical reason that prevents it. I joined dating sites and ask for platonic dating but not sure it's the right description. So what should I ask for?

[lillia]

I guess you're right. I don't really have a lot of knowledge on the subject or have done research. I don't like labels, they never really tell you everything you need to know or convey the exact truth. I have seen some rather heated debates in magazines and online about whether asexuality can truly exist and whether celibacy is "normal".
Why can't the se---lly identified people get over the non-sexual people and not try to make us feel like freaks?

Sometimes I feel completely asexual, for years, and then...I'll have a s----l feeling or thought. I enjoy it, it passes. I don't have sex, regardless. So what am I? Wait, don't answer that!
I'm just me. :mrgreen:

PEACE

[disjointed]

For my two penneth

I thought that celibacy was through personal choice with a definate decision, for example withing to stay a virgin before marriage

Asexual For me anyway is were I have no s----l urges, wishes, or arousal
and am openly looking for a life partner where the line is drawn at cuddles and tactile touching for re-assurance and conformation of our feelings towards each other...But no further, for the rest of our lifes

[amdawn8]

`for me asexuality is different from celibacy. if ur asexual u have no interest in or desire to have S-- most likely ever in ur life. if ur celibate it seems u have a reason like religion, faith, waiting for love/the right person, or to prevent pregnacy/stds. most celibate ppl seem to desire S-- at some point in their lives.

[sillymoi (deleted)]

`How many people ever read these Posts.... In any case I want to give my opinion . I have studied and read many different articles and asked practicing Celibates and Asexuals. I was informed after many hours of talking to them that Celibate is living alone and not having S-- with anyone. It is a choice one makes and is totally reversable but not half way. All or Nothing so to speak. being Asexual was described to me as being a touchy feely person enjoying hugs, caresses and kisses but NO INTERCOURSE! Period. I wonder if there are others who agree with what I learned? Cheers

[godsleftfoot (deleted)]

`I agree with your comment that celibacy, while voluntary, must be a total commitment or it is nothing. When someone says they are celibate, but open to the posibility of s--.. it doesn't seem to have much meaning. As for asexual relationships.. they vary. Some like physical intimacy without intercourse.. while others have no desire to be physically intimate on any level. Some are born with asexual tendancies.. for others it is an evolutionary process.

[nick8472 (deleted)]

`I think the difference is about desire as well. If all things wer equal, an Asexual would prefer not to have S-- or at the very least be just as happy with out it. I think celibacy is more of a choice. I'm Asexual & some people on ace-book have been recommending me to join this site for a while but I was reluctant because I assumed that a celibate was someone who was abstaining from S-- cuz of moral/religious rezones & they would want & maybe even demand/require S-- after they got married. I still sort of think that someone who identifies as celibate will expect S-- after marriage or at least be open & willing after marriage.

I think instead of getting hung-up on terms; it's better to try to explain your unique feelings/views/wants/desires for your situation. Instead of saying I want an Asexual relationship; I tell people that I'm not looking for a s----l thing but I do want love, intimacy & affection. I do have a sex-drive but I deal with it myself & I don't want it to include anyone. If by some miracle I found someone & things got serious & she wanted sex; I probably would be open & willing to give it a shot. But if all things wer equal; I would be just as happy being with someone who would not want S-- at all. If S-- will be required; I'm NOT interested. If this makes any sense?

[hc342003]

`All your opinions are interesting. I hadnt realized that celibate and asexual are different until I found a man who was celibate for psychological reasons but he needs s--. I am asexual, I mean, I dont need s--. I am not interesting in it. I dont want a man to value me because of my abilities in s--. I want to be valued for what I am. That is the base of a couple relationship.
Now I understand that an asexual person doesnt have S-- because he/she doesnt need it, and being celibate is not to have S-- either because he/she doesnt want or cannot have it.
Therefore, it is important to make clear at the beginning if you are celibate or asexual. It is not a minor difference.

[nick8472 (deleted)]

hc342003 wrote: Now I understand that an asexual person doesnt have S-- because he/she doesnt need it, and being celibate is not to have S-- either because he/she doesnt want or cannot have it.
Therefore, it is important to make clear at the beginning if you are celibate or asexual. It is not a minor difference.

I think celibacy is more of a temporary choice & Asexuality is more of a permanent state. Some Asexuals can enjoy S-- but manage fine without it & other Asexuals can not tolerate S-- at all. People who talk about "waiting till marriage" are more apt to be celibate; & people who talk about hating S-- are more apt to be Asexual. Some celibates are willing to go without S-- cuz their partner may be asexual or have some kind of medical condition; & some Asexuals may have sux cuz their partner wants it

[peterson515]

I'm gonna have to side with WIKI on this issue:

Celibacy - is defined as the lifestyle of someone who is voluntarily abstaining from all s----l activities, remaining without any s----l or romantic partner, and unmarried, all of his or her life. Celibacy is defined both historically and currently as being in a freely chosen state of active s----l abstinence.

Asexuality - in its broadest sense, is the lack of s----l attraction or the lack of interest and desire for s--. Sometimes, it is considered a lack of a s----l orientation.

I'm still scratching my head a bit, but just to put it as simple as possible let's just say that celibacy is a choice, and asexuality not so much..... Yeah uhmmm, still not helping. I don't have S-- (by choice), don't wanna have S-- because of a lack of s----l orientation (not a choice).... still seems pretty left arm, right arm, same body to me!!! On the other hand.... I don't have S-- because I don't want to have sex, because of a lack of a s----l orientation. Okay I'm asexual, but I'm still going to pretend to be a celibate in front of my self - righteous friends.

In the end I don't think that it matters too much, so long as we asexuals and celibates stick together.

[catiefaye]

"In the end I don't think that it matters too much, so long as we asexuals and celibates stick together. "


I agree, Peterson, that sticking together is really important. If we divide ourselves, then where do we go for strength and support? We resemble each other more than the se---lly active.

I think if you take the time to talk, then you will know enough about someone to know if you're compatible, *whatever* their label! Since there's so much disagreement on exact definitions, it seems to me we should not be focused on who calls whom which one and just communicate!!










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[whalewatcherii (deleted)]

`From what I read on the Asexual sites, I got the impression they were, for the most part, NOT interested in S-- of any kind & many not even of a tactile nature at all. Basically, just be there w/me, but leave me alone physically. Like a brother/sister/best friend type relationship.

The celibate have a possibility to be open to sex, or not...many having had it in the past & some may again in the future, but are either choosing to remain w/o for now, or for the future as well, as far as intercourse goes, but still are accepting & many even wanting to be affectionate.

I did not join the Asexual site, b/c I knew I wanted to share affection w/o intercourse. I looked for a long time on 2 of the sites for Asexuals. I didn't seem to fit in anywhere.

Then, I found this site & it seemed to be what I was looking for.
So when I read 'sillymoi's comments about it, it was totally opposite of what my findings were w/Asexuals.

Whatever.... I agree w/catiefaye. We need to stick together.
I don't think either is a 'sickness'. Just b/c it's not considered the 'norm', people have to find fault, of course. Who are 'they' to say what 'normal' is. They go by what people say & what the majority seems to do or want, so that must be 'normal', right? BS.

If you consider how many marriages are more like brother & sisters &/or room mates living together, is it really much different? We are better off, b/c we are not pretending to be something we are not. We also don't have the s----l issues that cause so much strife in a relationship b/c we are w/someone who is our equal in that area.

I've been there. It's much better w/o the S-- involved! Affection, YES. But the s----l intercourse causes more problems between couples, than it's worth having.

[searchin4u2 (deleted)]

`In the case of an asexual male, such as myself, the absence of S-- drive means there is no arousal when faced with a s----l situation even though there is nothing medically wrong. That does not mean that S-- is not thought about, just that it never materialises in to the real world. If there is a response to arousal that would result in sex, then I suggest the male is not actually asexual, but merely withdrawn or inhibited in some way. persistant failure to be aroused is the criteria for defining whether it is truely part of ones being. In my case i would like nothing better than to be like other males and function at least according to stimulous, but alas that never happens