Lifelong Virginity

[cocoaberryc_PREV (deleted)]

I see no one has posted on this topic so I will take a shot at it.

Lifelong Virginity has phases--as has been my experience.

From age 12 to 16 as a virgin---people say" Oh, your such a good, sweet girl."

At age 17 to 25 as a virgin---"Saving yourself for that special someone? Good, take your time."

At age 26 to 35 as a virgin---"Hummmm....still no man yet?!

At age 36 to 45 as a virgin---at this point, people don't say things directly to me anymore about my s----llity, but they imply things like something must be terribley wrong with her or that I'm a lesbian. they have finally given up on me. No more "When are you going to get married?" No, I have reached the point of pitty and "Poor thing" will never know the true meaning of life---otherwise---the dreaded Old Maid Status.

Maybe it's the era that I grew up in but women were not supose to like sex---it was a duty and our responsibility in order to please our husbands and reproduce. Although virginity was encouraged for girls, they were unfortunately seen as unexperienced,frigid and a great game piece if you could get one.

Understand that I never advertise my....virginity....but my Mom keeps the family abreast on my dating habits so from that and knowing my personality-- they figure I am not se---lly active.

I could never truly apply the word "virgin" to myself. It is a word that brings "Mary mother of Jesus" to mind and I know I am no way like her. Virginity means pure to me so I could never apply that word to myself I am waaaay to sensuous. I use it here only to make a few points. Lifelong celibacy better fits me.

Cocoaberry

[oddmanout]

I don't like the word virgin either. To me it implies that you want/plan to have S-- but just haven't yet. If you're celibate for life the whole purity and innocent thing is irrelevant.

[nothernlight (deleted)]

I choose the longlife celibacy because of my religious views (1 Corinthians
7, 34-3.

[trumanj]

I agree, whatever the title we put on it, it's difficult for others to comprehend or understand the choice. I've almost never had anyone simply accept my explanation - as if I don't really understand. They always have to find some other explanation that fits their mindset.

I'm 30, male and out of combination of circumstance, choice and inclination simply am not going to be active se---lly. That doesn't mean I'm a "loner" or asocial. I enjoy having male and female friends and don't really think in terms of s----l orientation one way or another - my s----l orientation is "none of the above."[/img]

[udora (deleted)]

`Technically I am not a virgin because I was when I was a child. Ever since then I not had any s----l relationships with anyone. I want start out with a friendship with a guy and build from there but it's been impossible to find someone in my area (northeast Ohio) who would be sensitive about my situation. So I've been alone.

[bittergrapes (deleted)]

`I also do not prefer the term "virgin", as it seems to state that I'm "waiting" for someone or that it's a temporary state. People seem to think when I say that I'm just waiting for the right person to come along and change my mind about s--. This simply isn't going to happen. Usually when I'm explaining myself to people I just say that I choose not to have S-- and plan not to. It's simple enough without getting into semantics or opening up any questions.

[thehighroad]

`So when you make a commitment like that for life is it that you have no urge or desire for S-- or that you just learned how to keep it out of site and out of mind?

[honeybfly80 (deleted)]

`Hi,

LOL. you are so right about the virginity phases. At a certain age it just isn't cute anymore. Personally I think it's a crock when people say "it doesn't matter if you're a virgin still." Yes it does. I think the older you get the worse it looks. I don't think it's "all in our heads" either (and I am not saying that to put anyone down, I am a 30 yr. old virgin female). I have never even been on a date. It's very likely I will be a "lifelong virgin" or incel as I cannot get a handle on my S-- phobia, general fear of intimacy. I don't have a problem with the word virgin, in particular. I also don't advertise my virginity doesn't matter, pretty sure my whole family thinks I am a lesbian since I never bring men around (which I am not). Anyways, the thing that stood out to me about your post is that you said in your generation, girls were not supposed to like s--. Do you think this is a particular hang up for you?? Maybe this is the path that lead you to celibacy. I don't know just asking. Take care.

[thehighroad]

`Honeybfly what do you mean phobia and fear of intimacy? Do you think that those are healthy or rational places to approach celibacy or any form of relationship from? I don't mean to offend but I'm just wondering about the mindset.

Peace
=================================================
Take The High Road

[catiefaye]

thehighroad wrote: `So when you make a commitment like that for life is it that you have no urge or desire for S-- or that you just learned how to keep it out of site and out of mind?



I was wondering this too... Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

[moonjelly]

`Wow I can't believe how relieved I am to know I am not the only one w/ these feelings! Nobody in my day to day life seems to understand why I still don't have a boyfriend (ever). I have only every tried to flirt w/ one guy (the only one I thought was attractive) when I was in my teens, and he rejected me. Now, the very thought of having to exchange germs when kissing a man or having S-- w/ him is disgusting. I have a strong aversion to men (because they seem to be sex-hungry chauvinist pigs), but I do find some of them attractive.
I wish I could stay a virgin forever, but I crave the soulmate bond some couples seem to have. I really wouldn't mind having S-- if it pleased my soul mate, but I don't think I will ever meet a man that deserves my heart and soul in this lifetime. Men these days, especially young men my age treat women like pieces of meat and I have a slight hatred toward them.

[wayward (deleted)]

`on the male side, the 40-year old virgin is almost treated like a too-easy punching bag in the world of humor.

[honeybfly80 (deleted)]

thehighroad wrote: `Honeybfly what do you mean phobia and fear of intimacy? Do you think that those are healthy or rational places to approach celibacy or any form of relationship from? I don't mean to offend but I'm just wondering about the mindset.

Peace
=================================================
Take The High Road



I don't know if it's a 'rational' or 'healthy' place from which to approach relationships/sex and don't particularly care. It's the way that it is. I don't feel I can do anything about the phobia or the fears so why bother looking into anything else with another person? Noting but a dead end waiting. Time better spent accepting the way things are. that's just how I see it.

[xhollydoll (deleted)]

`Very happy to hear some other people out there like myself. As far as the term "virgin" goes, I am okay with it, but don't prefer it because like a few others stated, it sounds like I'm waiting to just "give it up" for the right person, when in reality I have no intention of doing so. I'm 20 years old, and when people around my age find out I'm still a virgin, they either say "It's good you're waiting" or "Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you?". Once I explain that I simply have no interest in it at all, I typically get "You're crazy/strange/weird" or "You'll change your mind." and both of those replies makes me want to slap them silly! Maybe staying a life-long virgin is "weird" to others, but it doesn't mean something is wrong with us, or that we're messed up in the head, nor that we don't want to spend our lives with someone very special.

I've had a boyfriend for 4 years now, and I didn't tell him until a year into our relationship that I was planning on remaining a virgin for life (because it simply hadn't come up yet, and I was beginning to think he could possibly be the same way, but I was wrong) and at first, he tried to be reasonable about it. But I think it really hit him about a month later that I was being completely serious, and we started a huge fight over it, that was on and off for about 3 months. In the end though, he chose to stay with me, even saying he wants to marry me. I should be happy about that, but honestly I'm not sure if I am because even to this day, he will make s----l references to every day things (that I feel uncomfortable about) and I get the feeling that he's going to try to pressure me into it eventually... it's just confusing I guess.

Sorry for the long ramble, once I start, it's hard to stop! lol.