dating while celibate...

[slushpuppie_PREV (deleted)]

i always make such a mess of it. the whole reason im celibate is so that men know from the offset that im not going to put out; so there is no way i can be accused of being a tease. but how the hell does that work? the minute you catch someone's eye and there's a spark, am i meant to bark "im celibate"?

obviously talking to people online makes this easier, but ive spent half my life online and long distance relationships suck. i met someone recently at a party and before i knew it, he was trying to get in my pants. i blurted that i was celibate and sorry for leading him on and he went all silent and said he was going out into the garden for a smoke. i was left crying alone in the bedroom, thinking about how i always screw things up. gah.

[THEPERFECTWOMAN_PREV (deleted)]

I completely understand how you feel! I'm 21 years old and in college, where everyone os having tons of ---. I like going out at night, and I do drink but I don't have ---. The farthest I've gone is making out with boys, and even that made me feel a bit guilty (although I don't think it should). The thing is I'm a really good looking girl (and I'm really not trying to sound pompous) I've had men stop in the middle of the street and start hitting on me. But for some reason, I've never had --- and it just seems so easy for everyone else to do it.

[blackrose84 (deleted)]

.u shouldnt feel pressured to have ---.. if a guy cant accept u the way u are then maybe he's not worth ur time.. Good luck

[deadlockedstoic (deleted)]

`I'm afraid of male attention because I think that it will eventually lead to ---. My father made me paranoid by telling me all guys want is to get in my pants and the fact that I'm a virgin makes me an even bigger conquest. I've blown off any guy that showed interest because I was afraid of not being understood and finally being faced with the fact that a relationship is too hard for me to get into in this state.

[wrayn]

.Guys might consider you a prize worth winning (& waiting for). All guys are not sex-crazed fiends. Are you one just because you are on this site?...See?
Be careful but not way paranoid, okay?

[cocoaberryc_PREV (deleted)]

`Humm....I think dating while celibate is maybe like driving while drunk, not the best of combinations. My dating while celibate experiences are few because I did find a nice respectful guy in the begining. But things do tend to lean toward --- makes no difference if one is careful about it or not.

[disjointed]

It can be difficult to date whilst celibate, a bit like going into a bar whilst trying to give up the drink.

Most guys do see things as a challenge and "most" I mean the majority so I can understand why it would be so difficult to say "hi I'm not here for --- any one just want some fun and a chat?"

there is no somple answer and the truth is that celibacy and asexuality is still seen as a undercover and secret untalkable subject by most.

For me it's like a tattoo, in that it's a personal thing, not on display but I'm not asdhamed of it either and am happy to talk about it.

As an Asexual male it's easier for me to go out for a fun night without issues but for women in the same situation I understand entirely

[bcwhite (deleted)]

`Dont think that the stress of having --- is just on females. I have a lot of stress because im not looking to have --- and girls seem to be. When I bring up the fact that im waiting for marraige they run off in the other direction. It would be so great to find someone to date and not have to worry about ---.

[sugao]

``TOPIC NECRO IN A DEAD FORUM, WOO!

Okay, now that that's out of the way...


I don't do the party/bar/club/nightlife thing, since I don't drink or smoke, can't dance to save my life, and don't enjoy crowded, noisy places. Plus, I figure the majority of people who are out looking for a "date" (and I use the term loosely) at such places are really more looking for a casual fling, not a real relationship or even a first date that might eventually LEAD to a relationship (as basing a whole relationship on a first encounter is only slightly more sane than jumping into bed based on a first encounter).

That said, when guys do finally get around to asking me out (as I'm too shy to actually ask them on dates; we've just ---- out as friends sometimes - and yes, despite popular wisdom, "guy friends" can become boyfriends and not make things awkward), I tell them I have a couple of ground rules for whenever I date anybody. They are as follows:

1. I date one person at a time, and I insist that the person I am dating do the same. Other people may have multiple relationships going on at once, but I will not.
2. I'm waiting until marriage, so don't ask me to sleep with you. The answer is no.

I've never had a guy immediately retract his request to date me; however, I did have one who assumed I was kidding and was rather annoyed when, four months later, I still held my ground despite his insistence that we were the wierdest college couple ever (he broke up with me; I said fine, and we're still on speaking terms).

You have to be willing to stand up for yourself; if you tell someone you're waiting for marriage and then go sleep with them before saying your vows, it cuts your integrity and word may get around that you don't mean what you say. And if you break up with that person, the next one may have heard the rumor and assume that they will be just as "lucky" as the last one in getting you to cave in, even though you told yourself you'd do better the next time. Hold yourself to your own high standards and don't relax them for anyone.

It also helps to not wear miniskirts or low-cut shirts, as, fashionable or not, it's a little bit like leaving a convertible out with the top down and keys in the ignition: it's too inviting and is just asking for someone to jump in the seat and give it some gas. You don't need to wear a mumu or anything, but if it looks more like lingerie than clothes, common sense dictates you should only wear it to bed (not sure what the male equivalent would be; perhaps "don't walk around shirtless unless you're going swimming").

[rohara]

`hahaha very true! you took the words right out of my mouth. Most men (well the ones i know anyway) just see a woman with celibacy as a challenge and so get even more 'points'. Dont people ever stop and think maybe there is more to relationships than sex? some people can be so narrow minded......